textures | tones

I’ve not had any dreams lately, at least none that I can remember. When I just wake up, and I know I had a really good dream, one full of wonders and fantasy and whatever else makes such things perhaps a bit better than real life, it slips away, much quicker than before, well before I’ve had a chance to write it down. So I mean, it’s an excuse really, but this is why I’ve not written down any dreams lately. Also sometimes they’re just mundane, like the one where I dreamed Maria said one thing to me and it turns out she actually said another or nothing at all, ones that happen after I’ve moved from the bedroom to the couch to continue sleeping so that I can keep her company, albeit unconsciously, probably after the point in the day when one should still be asleep and so perhaps my punishment is boring, normal every day dreams. And maybe it is a punishment; maybe I should pay more attention to real life.

Which lately hasn’t been all that great. Lots have happened actually, and I can’t believe it’s been twenty days since I last posted anything, since anybody last posted anything here. I wonder if it’s possible to get my membership with expat blog revoked? It’s not like I’ve been doing anything horribly expat-y lately, though we did buy a water cooler, and that was an adventure in and of itself.

So Maria had been feeling dehydrated, and so have I frankly, and the water in China is a little dodgy and though you can boil it and clean it of whatever bacteria might be in it, we couldn’t help the film of sediment that formed on our water kettle nor the layer of detritus on the bottom of our water bottle into which we poured our boiled water. This meant we didn’t have much faith in it actually, and have substituted water when thirsty with perhaps not too healthy, sugary others. So we had talked about it a while ago, but the solution was to purchase a water bottle, one of those big ones that you see on the backs of trucks being delivered in the States. I had fond memories of using one the last time I was in China because it provided instant hot water and was a perfect means of re-constituting instant noodles. I only just recently realized, since it’s gotten to be summer and the weather is hot and humid in Beijing, that you can also get instant cold water and so have a nice refreshing beverage whenever called upon. But this was some time ago, the discussion I mean, about getting a big water bottle, so we revisited it recently and decided to actually go forward with it.

So in China, it’s a pretty easy thing to do. Just down our little alley there’s this guy that sells these big jugs of water. They weren’t open that day actually, so it was their loss, but we found another guy selling the exact same thing serendipitously actually on our way to the supermarket. Apparently they’re just everywhere, and they all do basically the same thing, and they all have a guy driving around a three wheeled bicycle that takes these things and delivers them to you. So we go into this little hole in the wall store, filled with big bottles of water, and the guy is very nice in that salesmen-sy kind of way and he lets us sample the water and he explains how it’s the best kind of water there is and he says they’re having a special where if you buy ten bottles they’ll give you two more for free. Whatever. The point though was that it was easy. He had the machines there that provided the instant hot and cold, he had the bottles of water, he had the guy to deliver and install it all, and a quick exchange of money later and we were on our way to fresh water heaven. We’ve a phone number to call whenever we need a new bottle and he’ll send the guy on his way, and he’ll maintain our water machine thingy for a year. Obviously the point’s a little moot since we’re hoping to move by the end of June, but apparently it’s a universal machine, capable of housing and carrying any and all kinds of big water bottles, so we’re good. It’s humming away happily as I write actually, and it breathes; every now and then you’ll hear it gurgling pleasantly. In short, everyone go get a water cooler! Huh…I just remembered that those things are called water coolers…

So that’s the bit of China that’s kind of non-bloggy and kind of expat-y and I hope it justifies my existence in the expat blog directory listing.

Since I last wrote we’ve also attended a friend’s wedding up in San Francisco. We needed to get out of the country anyways to enter on our next visa entry and Maria was running her first marathon in the States, which turned out very well. Fully expect to see some more milestone updates later on but at the moment I’m a little fuzzy on all the dates. But the wedding was nice, I got to see some of my family and Maria got to see an extensive bit of hers. We were apart for two weeks, and it killed me. That was when I was doing the whole nocturnal living thing as evidenced by my previous posts about biking in Beijing in the middle of the night. Not exactly the pinnacle of healthy living here. I’m hoping though for things to regain a semblance of sanity and normalcy soon.

The restaurant is also fast out of my hands, hopefully, I pray. Skipping over all the pertinent details because they’re not mine to disclose, but the headache and stress of having to deal with being in the food service industry may soon be behind me. That does mean I’m still out of a job, and have been for a while, and haven’t been paid by anybody for a really long while, and the whole process has still nevertheless sucked this transitioning out of my hands and will probably suck long after the actual transition takes place, but um, it’s still a load off, and will be even more so of one when I have my high paying power job that lets me live the life of luxury in this town, no sarcasm intended, obviously.

And speaking of jobs, I had the world’s worst interview today, ever. Not only was it for a job that I applied to a very long time ago and so now have absolutely no recollection whatsoever of what it was about, but they had layered themselves in so many different company names an recruiters and go betweens that I had no idea who I was even applying for a job with. It was an hour away by subway, out in the bums of nowhere, though it was really pretty, kind of tropical looking on the ride out due to it raining today, and when I get there I knew immediately it wasn’t going to work but had to still sit through it all, much to my general embarrassment. See, I knew at once that it was a Chinese company, without even a hint of foreign-ness to it. There were no English signs, there were no foreign employees, and you could just feel that tinge of Chinese laziness in the air where they hire a bunch of people with credentials on paper who all they do is the least necessary, if that. I’ll come out and say it now: the majority of Chinese employees try to get away with doing as little as possible. Maria just read somewhere recently that Chinese greed is only outweighed by Chinese laziness, and it’s true. There’s a whole floor of people sitting in cubicles, everyone looking at their own computer screens, all messing on the internet in one way or another, without so much as a word being spoken to anyone, without that sort of collaborative creativity and productivity one feels in US offices. Just with that, I knew I wouldn’t want the job, but apparently they didn’t want me either. Ah the other thing was the actual applications I had to fill out. First, there was a questionnaire and one of the questions was in Chinese; obviously a test of my literacy which I obviously failed. Second, all the boxes to fill in information like “name” or “relation” or “previous employer’s name” where too small; you couldn’t write the English in there even if you wanted to. Obviously meant to accept Chinese characters only, and obviously another count on which I failed. Then there were the questions about HTTP protocol and DNS lookups which I actually just don’t know, so obviously I’m not qualified for the job either but I don’t actually remember because it’s been ages since I first applied and these people put so many buffers between the actual job and me I went in completely blind. So there wasn’t even a real interview. Some guy came out, said thanks for coming out, said I probably wasn’t qualified, asked if I had any questions, and that was it. Hours of my life wasted in what is probably the biggest job interview fail of my life. I’ve been failing a lot really, and it’s kinda putting a crimp in my self esteem.

But the pluses do also exist. I’m doing some freelance programming work which allows me to flex some of my programming muscles. I’m doing some music work for pay as well and that’s always a good thing. There are a few social events on my calendar coming up with people whose company I enjoy, and I at least am very excited by my father’s and Maria’s business opportunities coming right over the horizon. I’m hoping for lots of good things from them.

A bigger short of it though is that I’m not entirely sure I’m happy, but I’m hoping to find what I need to fix that so that I can be, so that this opportunity which has been afforded me and which I have undertaken with Maria, my partner in all of this, will have ultimately been beneficial. Um…so that’s the meaning behind the title, actually. I’d like to enter a process of discovery and more specifically, rediscovery, of all the things in life that I love so that I can share them with the person I love.

So ever since I purchased my 200RMB bike, and ever since I repaired it (incidentally, the seat has since been replaced, so has one of the bolts on the pedals, the right hand brake handle broke and hasn’t been replaced yet, and the rear wheel brake belt broke and also hasn’t been replaced; I’m just running this bike through the ringer aren’t I?!), I’ve biked every day, and biked long distances most every day. The farther I’ve ridden before today was 20km, sort of just randomly through the center of town, along roads I recognized, and it took me about an hour and a half; not the fastest I know, but Beijing is so very obstacular and even at night rides like a video game dodging cars, pedestrians, street cleaning trucks and construction crews that fling water and dirt respectively at you. Today, I biked my farthest distance yet: 22km. It also took me an hour and a half, for reasons that will be explained in further detail later.

First, some raw details:
I started at 3:30am and finished at 5:15am for a total of an hour and a half.
I biked for a total distance of 22km, just about 14 miles.
At around 4:30am the sun had started to rise and the skies were lightening.
I took a measure of my speed at the one hour mark and I was at about 16km/hour, or 10 miles/hour.
I took the circle route around the city, basically tracking around the 2nd Ring Road, one of 5 major highways that circles the city at different intervals. I had actually always meant to ride around this, but this was my first time.

Obviously the hours I’ve been keeping have be weird. Part of the problem is that I’ve been a bit depressed and lonely, mostly because Maria’s been out of town and I’m having job woes and family problems, etc. Whatever. The short of it is that I’ve been avoiding the day time opting to spend most of my waking and productive hours at night. It’s also been getting warmer and warmer, to the point of almost 80 degrees, and that’s just too hot for me to do anything physical in! So it’s been much nicer to bike at night. We’re talking warm summer nights here, the kind where it’s cool but not cold in that special refreshing kind of way. The city also quiets an awful lot in the middle of the night. Probably to save electricity and such but most of the lights are off, even some of the street lights. That makes it a little weird to bike in actually as at times it gets really dark, but it also means the streets are for the most part empty. Obviously, it’s not totally clear; you still have the cars, the people, and the little rickshaw type bikes roaming around. And, though this isn’t really a negative because everyone hates construction during the day, but the crews are out in mass and so are the street cleaners. So this means you need to avoid massive cranes and bulldozers tearing up half the street as well as big tankers literally washing down the street whether or not you’re on it; it’s really one of those “everyone for themselves” kind of philosophies as far as navigating the street goes in China. But um, what was the point? Ah, that biking at night is wonderful in this city and everyone should try it!

So let’s talk about my route. First, a picture of it:

I almost made it all the way around 2nd Ring Road

It’s pretty convenient to have such a ring that goes around the city. Even though it’s a highway, there’s always a road that parallels it for people to get on and off and onto the intersecting roads. On the North and West side, it’s a literal highway so the parallel road is on the ground below it and flat. On the East side, it’s kind of a “low-way” of sorts and the road I was on is above it. On this side there are also these massive roundabouts to help people get on and off and over the highway road. Pretty harrowing to navigate across actually because you can’t quite tell if the cars are coming towards you or still going to circle around. But this also means they’re convenient in a way because there are no traffic lights to have to wait and stop at, and it’s pretty; the side road I was on had a dedicated bike lane that was surrounded by trees; idealic really. The West side was easier to bike because there are no roundabouts, but that means there are lights, so it was less scenic to look at. Since the side road parallels the highway though it also means that at times I couldn’t quite tell if I was on the bike lane, the side road, or the highway itself. They all sort of blend in together, especially at the corners of the 2nd Ring Road. Very difficult to get around actually because that’s also where lots of roads all intersect together because there are these diagonal roads that let those cars on the 2nd Ring Road head out towards the other numbered Ring Roads. But um…yeah, short answer, not that easy to get around. But still lots of fun! It’s like biking in New York City; exciting in that way that you really shouldn’t find that exciting because it’s due to the adrenaline that comes from that hint of danger and having to keep on your toes.

So the sun rises really early here! It was getting bright right at around 4:30am. I don’t ever remember the sun rising that early before back in the States. I wasn’t expecting it, nor was I planning it, but when I set out and realized the skies lightening I thought to myself “how neat, it’s going to be really beautiful soon.” And it definitely was, and by the time I was about finished with my bike it was full on bright, but still peaceful in that nice way, with birds chirping and such, but it was definitely getting more and more crowded on the roads, in a noticeable way. I wonder next time just how much later I can actually consider still biking outside because I think lots of people start their commutes early in this city. I had also biked some of this route before, or at least close in the vicinity of it, but that had been in the proper night and not this half dawn time; everything looked different in the subtle light.

It is definitely weird though some of the people that are still out in the middle of the night. There were couples walking hand in hand, old men walking their dogs, lots of workers, people picking up trash on little orange bicycles, construction workers digging up trees and planting new ones that looked oddly like palm trees (can you imagine palm trees in China?!), tired men biking on their way home presumably, girls walking arm in arm also, coming from or going to I don’t know where, and then, of course, me. :)

There was also a huge crowd of people gathering at TianAnMen Square, in front of the Forbidden City. I started noticing quite a bit away that there were people walking towards the center of the city, and there were huge spotlights on also making it bright as day just up ahead, and as I approached at first I thought it was a tour group or something, but then not seeing the telltale orange colored caps or flags, and the fact that they were all waiting there plus the large numbers of military officers standing at attention, I realized it must have been the flag raising ceremony, which I had never actually seen before myself. I was tempted to pull over and join in the festivities, but it sufficed to just tuck a mental note away to come back some later time and see the event as this time I was out for the biking.

I also think this city just can’t decide what temperature it wants to be. As I rode, I distinctively noticed different strata of temperatures that I was riding through. First it would be cool and refreshing, an almost kind of misty feel, then it would be muggy and humid, much hotter than before, almost suffocating in its pervasiveness and density, then just kind of, normal, like what one would expect for a warm summer night, then just completely and utterly wet (though this was probably due to the street cleaners) and you can feel the water drops on your face, and every now and then there’s be the overwhelming scent of cooking food from who knows where because it hits when biking along some random part of street where there’s not a restaurant in sight and even if there were they wouldn’t be open anyway. It makes me wonder if there’s some massive underground ventilation type system (there probably is at least in part due to the subway system) that just vents out at intervals and changes the air around it.

All in all, it was a great experience, and I fully intend to do it again. I think the next time I’ll do a proper circle all the way around 2nd Ring Road; that should let me get in a full 25km and I am such a fan of proper whole numbers. It also shouldn’t take that much longer or be that much more difficult. Speaking of which, it wasn’t actually that difficult of a ride to do. I wasn’t going that fast, and I’m not entirely sure I could have gone much faster, and I never got too tired or anything and am not that tired now either. The only thing is that after the first hour or so it really started to hurt a bit sitting on that tiny little seat. And I’ve noticed a stiffness in my right knee that sort of comes and goes; I hope that’s not indicative of some bigger problem. I’ll see if it bothers me more in some greater way and then maybe get it checked on some how. So next time, the full way around, and maybe with a better bike; I have a sneaky suspicion that my current bicycle may be on its last leg as far as long distances biking goes and I really, really, really don’t want to have it break down on me in some major way, especially in the middle of the night, at some far distance from my home.

It was so relaxing, so refreshing; I don’t know what was going through my mind; I wasn’t consciously aware of any deep or insightful or meaningful thoughts. What I was aware of though was a kind of wild eyed wonder and amazement that overtook me for the city at night, at how quiet it all was, at the massive buildings all empty and dark; I couldn’t stop looking around, and all I could hear was the sound of the bicycle gears churning, the friction of the wheels on the ground, its deep bass rhythm vibrating through my legs as I rode, a cool breeze against my face. Quite fantastic really.

So I’m a little bit deaf right now. Everything’s sort of muffled and even when I talk to myself it’s as if there’s cotton filling up my skull. It was an overall crappy day, punctuated by some good times. I had rehearsal with the IFC Youth Choir, which was lots of fun; I’ve always enjoyed working with developing voices and these kids, though small in number, make a wonderful sound together. I hope to do more work with them in the future. And thankfully, I also got paid; it’s nice to get paid to do music work and this would be the first time that I was paid for such work in China. But the crappiness in general stems from the fact that for the past 48 or so ours I’ve been on my own, kind of just cooped up in this altogether much too large apartment that I’m in. It’s surprising just how used to having Maria around I’ve gotten. The weather’s also been weird; much too hot for my tastes so I’ve switched my schedule around so that I do most of my active and productive things during the night and sleep during the day; but this means my sleep is fitful, disturbed by the heat. I mean, it was so bad that as I was talking to Maria on the phone, I missed her so much and it was all I could to do stop from crying. I ran off to the restaurant at some point and, disgusted by the whole affair, drank my sorrows away with alcoholic girly drinks.

But the good way; I got to go to a club in China! For the first time! And though I groaned and griped the entire time saying I didn’t want to go, it turned out to be lots of fun! I went with XiaoXing, one of my only friends in China at the moment (damnit Maria, when are you coming back…). But uh, yeah, details about the club, because well, it’s not even close to anything like clubs in the States.

So they’re called something I can’t remember but I think is related to some phonetic rendition of the English acronym “DJ.” Apparently there are a lot of them and they’re really popular with the young people. I mean, it’s almost 4AM now and we left early, and when we first got there it was jammed packed. For some reason, it was called “GT Banana Club.” Yeah. And the Chinese name…”GT Banana Club” pronounced phonetically. Yeah. It’s tucked away next to some business center somewhere and the neon sign is half blown out so you really have to look carefully to make out the “banana” part of the name. When you get in, there’s these really crappy looking marble stairs that lead up to the first layer of the concierge. Here they take the cover, which wasn’t that much, somewhere around 50RMB as it varies depending on gender and day of the week. Up yet another flight of crappy looking marble stairs (I’m talking faux chic and glamorous here, kind of like porn shoot marble) and you get to the next layer of the concierge where they check your ticket and scan you with a hand held metal detector. The first thing you’ll notice when you get in, the fruit platters. Every single table has a huge, ornate, excessively decorated fruit platter. Don’t ask me why; apparently it’s communal but I’ll be damned if I touch it. But I later found out that apparently it costs money but they just leave them around and it’s just kind of, gross…I can honestly say, despite my lack in clubbing knowledge, that this was quite unlike anything in the US I’ve ever been to. The space was really big, with multiple floors, with multiple seating options ranging from huge and luxurious booths to tall round tables with stools to almost private room type booths. And again, don’t forget the fruit platter on every table top. There’s a bar, decently well stocked, though the whiskey is the highlight. I don’t think I’ve mentioned this yet but whiskey is the only liquor that’s managed to penetrate the Chinese market in any way. Go to any bar or restaurant and you’ll see at least a dozen different kinds of top shelf whiskey, but try to find any top shelf vodka or tequila and you’re fresh out of luck. Someone needs to market Patron here; they’ll make a killing. But uh…so we ordered two Long Island Iced Teas, not that expensive really, but that was the cheapest stuff on the menu. They had this massive VIP “Set” that you can order that costs over 15,000 RMB (2000 USD). Not sure what it includes, but at least a fruit platter and a couple of bottles of whiskey with mixer and a sort of private staff who takes care of your needs, and which apparently also includes some dancing girls. It was weird; next to where we were standing there were these two mid-30s looking men, one of whom was really fat and passed out, around this table arrayed with a massive fruit platter and multiple bottles of whiskey, while two staff girls danced for them and a male staff member poured more drinks. And the guy was passed out. Apparently that’s what happens; you can pay for people to keep you company, and I wondered how many of the girls in there were like that, because something seemed fishy given how ugly most of the men looked.

But that brings up the dance floor, which was huge, and which bounced! The entire floor bounced! Even if you didn’t want to dance yourself, just by virtue of standing on the floor you moved in rhythm to the music! Pretty neat! And there were lots and lots and lots of bubbles from a bubble machine :) And lots of fog, and a separate, smaller stage that lifted like 5 feet onto which at one point were three staff dancing girls, dressed all in white 1920s style flapper type dresses, dancing to a really crappy Chinese dance song. Speaking of which, the music was mostly European and American, except for the odd few of the Chinese ones that emulated those styles. I have a feeling these people have absolutely no idea what the words in the songs are because they’re all shouting along happily to “Fuck, fuck, fuck” and “Hotel, motel, Holiday Inn.” It’s like my staff singing along happily to “Like a Virgin” with absolutely no idea what the words mean! I’ve also never seen so many groups of the same sex all dancing together. Now, obviously, some of gay; there’s a lot of those in China apparently, or maybe I just can’t tell because men in China have a much closer and physical form of camaraderie than in the States. Either way, but where I’d expect men and women to be dancing together in the States, there were just large groups of men and large group of women, all dancing in that pseudo-inappropriate club sort of way with lots of grinding. And then there were the tall caps. What the hell is with the very tall baseball caps?!?!?!? I’d like to just chalk it up to Chinese people being weird, especially when it’s like, they have a limited exposure to Western popular culture, so whatever they do see or find they then emulate and apply a multiplier on in their own special “Chinese” way that just puts it all the more over the top. I mean, imaging a Chinese man, probably mid-20s, with an afro, and a massive, tall baseball cap sitting on top of the afro, that says “Let’s be Colorful” with “Colorful” written in rainbow colors…

In short though, it was a lot of fun, especially the music. It helps when I’m feeling down to just be so completely taken over by something; the massive vibrations of the bass literally shook me to where I couldn’t stand straight; when music is that physical it helps me to kind of forget everything else and just be literally moved by it. Maria, my dear, I miss you so much. I wish you were there; you’d enjoy it a lot. I’ve already got it in the plans for us to go there together :)

Heh…neat. I’ll also write some updates. Me physical in China was quite painless, aside from the 7 vials of blood they drew. It was at this pretty big clinic that apparently specializes in physicals. It was quite obvious very early on that I would need lots of help so I was basically walked through the entire process; lots of smiling politely as I asked for a translation or someone to read the Chinese to me, which most of the time I still didn’t understand. It felt mostly like a US physical, but instead of one doctor they had many that specialized in a particular exam and you went from room to room filling out your little sheet that says what you want to do. All in all, quite a pleasant experience, and so cheap! I got more things examined than I could’ve hoped for at about 150USD, what would have cost me at least a grand in the States since I have to pay everything out of pocket. I pick up the results next week, and assuming everything turns out alright with the results process, I would highly suggest this experience to anybody in China needed a routine or not so routine physical since they do so many procedures. And yes, I also hope to be generally healthy and such.