How NOT to make a burger


  • 200 g (.46 lbs) extra-lean hamburger patty, pre-formed, individually-wrapped
  • 1 sesame bun, preferably frozen
  • Shredded white “cheese”
  • “Pickles,” otherwise known as ZhaCai, literally “Pressed Vegetables” (no dill was harmed in the making of this pickle)
  • Garnish: 1 lettuce leaf, sliced tomatoes and onions
  • Seasoning: Salt, pepper, Worcestershire sauce, red cooking wine, cooking oil


  • Spatula
  • Saute pan and lid
  • Stove
  • Microwave
  • Pizza oven


  • Season both sides of patty with liberal amounts of Seasoning
  • Put patty in saute pan on high heat
  • Cover with lid to cook
  • When bottom looks “done,” flip, cover, and repeat
  • When both sides look “done,” put in microwave for 1-2 minutes at your discretion
  • Put back in saute pan to cook away any excess liquids that may have escaped while microwaving
  • At this point, put sesame bun into pizza oven to defrost/toast
  • Sprinkle top of patty lightly with “cheese,” then put into pizza oven to melt
  • Wait 2 minutes for everything to finish in the pizza oven
  • Place patty between sesame bun, top with Garnish, and you’re done!

To serve:

  • Prepare a small pile of deep-fried, frozen french fries
  • Create an elaborately European, but small, side salad, complete with vegetable “towers” and hash-patterned drizzles of dressing
  • Arrange everything delicately in quadrants on a square plate
  • Provide an individual crock of ketchup

Promise: This will NOT be how I serve my new hamburgers at Connections Bar & Grill. I just wanted to show just how far we’ve come and in such a short time.

1 Comment


maria | November 6th, 2009 

Honey, this post cracks me up. I really can’t wait till we have this thing up and running.

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